When there’s an overabundance of something, you don’t value it. You don’t need to strive or work for it. Your attention wanders to something else more elusive. This natural tendency to pursue more of what’s just out of reach is the root of many addictions. The thing or person that is out of reach is what you think will give you more joy, relief, pleasure, satisfaction.
If you crave attention, you’ll hound social media for likes or do anything to be accepted into desirable groups. If you need money, hopefully, you’ll seek more ways to serve others with your energy, gifts, and talents.
Relationships often suffer from an imbalance. I call it the over-abundance principle. One person is too available, too giving. The human nature of the other person leads them to devalue the one who’s “overabundant.”
The person that wants to be close and available is seen as “needy.” As the other pulls away, the needy one pursues. “What’s wrong? Don’t you love me anymore?”
In healthy relationships, whether parent-child, friend, or couple, there’s an ebb and flow to this principle, but overall, equilibrium prevails. The relationship grows and matures.
If you are the one often left feeling needy, dissed, unwanted, there are several antidotes.
- Shift your focus to other people, hobbies or service for a while
- Don’t be angry with the person pushing away. Give them a chance to miss you by backing off a little
- Remember the source of enduring joy, peace, and life. God wired you for relationships with people but ultimately with Himself. When you feel crazy, out-of-sorts, get with Him.
Mostly when people that you are in some form of relationship with blow you off or don’t seem to care about you, it’s not that they no longer want you around. The problem is usually within them. Maybe they are struggling with something, and you convict them or remind them of something uncomfortable. It could be that you are using a tone of voice that feels judging, oppressive. Maybe you both just need space.